I don' really know what went wrong, she was fine this morning, behaved like yesteray. She ate and drank and I gave her the meds which she took without issues. But afterwards things just went downhill. She lost most of her balance entirely and around midday she could only ly on her side and struggle with her legs, her breathing was getting heavier. TIll evening it just got worse and whenever I moved her she was totally limb and unable to even lift her head but she was aware and awake. I kept her close by but there was nothing I could do. At the end I took her into my arms and held her... I saw some of my other bunnies die too but it had always been quick, a short struggle and they fell still. But Punica was fighting even though it was hopeless. I so wish I could have helped her. Seeing how she lay in my arms gapsping for air so much she started taking big gulps through her mouth and the desperate little sound she made while she struggled for breath. She was kicking with her legs, trying to move but no position she got in would help - at last her breathes grew fewer and she tensed one last time.
Never in my life have I experienced something so horrible - I felt so hopeless and I hate myself for not having been able to help her or save her... she deserved better than that - as her owner it my my duty to protect her and see that she is fine and I was there all the time, right by her and I couldn't do anything...
the vet had given me hope and said she had a chance - had I known how she would end today I would have preferred to send her to sleep peacefully yesterday... but the world is a cruel place so it seems.
I don't know, maybe she reacted badly to the meds or the assumed tumor in her lung was too heavy already or the tumor in her belly and the EC affected each other negateively... I have no clue and even If I had it wouldn't change anything.
It hurts so much that she is gone and in such a way... I've considered to help her today and end it quickly, put a lastic bag over her head and let her lose consciousness through high CO2 but I was too chicken to do that ... I still hoped she was just having a fit and might get better... I feel like such a horrible person for not saving her, not making it easier for her - it'S just not fair that she had to end like this. She was a good bunny, a little figther but she lost that one
She was the last bunny I had - it wasn't always easy with her but she was the one that through all her nearly 8 years who never got sick or ill despite this at the end now and though she was never as much a cuddle-loving bunny like others of mine I still loved her and still do.
I don't know yet if I will get bunnies again soon- despite how hard it is to lose a pet I know I will have one again, they joy they bring to my live is always worth the pain when they go.
but now the pain is all I have left - so don't be surprised if I gonna be silent for a while - I'll be alright again with time - but this just hurts too much right now
Update on the situation:
I managed to get an appointment at my vet with Punica today afternoon. Despite that it was outside the regular hours the lady told me I could bring her along - which is so kind of her, I'm so glad I switched to this vet from my previous one. Punica was properly checked and the vet agreed that despite that she is in a troublesome state, she doesn't make an impression like she would suffer and therefor she saw no need to put her down yet. Punica does have EC as I suspected and gets meds for it (she didn't like the needles though), she also got meds that should help her with her breathing. The vet said it could be the tumor spread into her lung - if so there is not much one can do - but for now she gets everything she need to work against the EC and also something to ease her breathing.
Luckily I didn't have to pay anything today, the whole sum will be paid on monday when I have another appointment to check back whether the meds did help her for now or not. I don't know what's going to happen is she doesn't get better but considering what a little figther she is I'll stay optimistic.
I do have earned a good portion of money with three commission slots since I opened this journal yesterday - and for now I do not intend on taking on more but I'll be sure after monday when I know whether she will need long term medication and what it will cost. So to everyone that offered to take a slot and to whom I haven't responded yet - I'll get back to you on monday and let you know whether I need another slot filled or not.
In any case I'm very greateful that so many of you were willing to help me out in this time of need
It means so much to me
So, I'm a bit at the end of my wits these days. Yesterday when I got home around midday with a cold building up and checked on my sweet little bunbun I noticed that she was acting odd and kinda didn't manage to properly grip the food in front of her, like she couldn't see it. I took her out of her cage and cleaned her up sicne she doesn't seem able to clean herself properly anymore. She was breathing heavier, her nose was running and she had issues walking, she was totally wobbly on her feet. Considering the tumor on her lower abdomen I thought she was nearing the end so I took her inside so she would not be alone and would have a warm place.
I thought she would die during the night but she's still here and she seems kinda stable how odd it might seem in her condition. She's eating and drinking on her own, even if she's wobbling around in the place I prepared for her next to my bed. And she likes to be comforted, patting and all, she likes that more than before. Her head is slightly tilted - so I assume if she's not in her last days she might have an outbreak of EC - since Sonny had it it is very likely she got it too. I would like to bring her to the vet onmonday if she's still kicking that day. She doesn't seem to feel pain, no matter where I touch her, not even at her belly, she just breathes harder and doesn't like me cleaning her nose and she's insecure on her legs. Maybe she has bunny-sniffles (whatever you properly call it in english) which would explain the nose and the breathing.
Though I don't have much cash for the vet - which is why I'm considering to take on new commissions - I was hoping to avoid that until my current work is done but mom is covering up for my college now and most of the Sweden stuff and even accepts Punica inside so I don't wish to bother her with that as well. And other than art I do not have any income right now. I'm hoping to collect at least 100€ considering how high Sonny's vet-bills where and that in a cheaper part of Germany I want to have enough to support Punica properly.
So, if anyone has a bit of spare change they don't need I'd appreciate if you'd consider ordering a commission from me or buying that one adoptable I have left right now. You can find that adoptable and my pricelist below.
this sort of coloring is not on the sheet but would be available also for about 30€ per char
Since I'd like to go to the vet on monday at most I can only consider commissions via paypal that are paid up front. And only from those who are okay with waiting a while till their picture is done since I still have a tiny bit of my last list to do and still a paper to write for college till march 16th. In any case I'll do my best to get things done as fast as possible. I'm also considering selling some of my OCs if I don't manage to earn money otherwise.
I was actually hoping to never have to do that again, taking up more work for one of my bunnies, considering how long it dragged with Sonny and all but Punica is the last one of my bunnies I have and even if she has this tumor I still think she deserves to be threated for any other illness as well even if her time is already shortened. She seemes to be okay even with this thing inside of her - though honestly I'm dead afraid to go to the vet and they'll tell me that it's wiser to put her down. Just writing about it makes me cry... I don't want to make this decision, I don't want to kill my own bunny. She's not in pain, she eats and drinks, it doesn't seem fair to me. She deserves every day she can live without pain and trouble she can get.
well if I do earn some money and manage to get her checked I hope dearly she gets some meds and is send home with me to have some more good bunny-time. If not I don't really know what to do ... any other outcome makes me tear up so I won't think about it anymore.
plase comment below if you are interested in helping me out or spread the word if you can. Thanks