I kinda feel like whenever my family seems to be walking the 'happy-road' where everyone seems okay relationschip wise, money wise, job wise, some little cosmic dipshit comes by and throws a smiley covered hand grenade. Somehow things keep falling apart and plans that we made just won't work out. And all the time I feel like I should do something more than I do but then again I know I could easily fuel the fire when getting too involved. Kinda sucks.
I had such nice plans, my brothers had great plans, my parents did and kinda everything seemed to be doomed so early in the year. Kinda depressing.
things keep tumbling down and I cannot focus on art these days, which is why I will release all commission slots on my list. Those I have started on do not need to be paid, I'll upload what I have of them if it is of proper quality (if not, I'll provide a stash file for the commissioner) - the commissioner may see it as a gift, free art... yay?
I'm sorry I have to do that but I need to get a clean plate, having those issues at home I don't want to come online here and see all the stuff that needs to be done (free or not) that keeps adding to the pack that slowly bends my knees. I cannot function with such a load on here and the load at home. I do not know how things will work out, living situation changes, everyone seems at the edge and stressed while trying to keep up the happy face while instead they want to curl up and cry or scream in frustration.
This also affects any Trades, Requests or YCH thingies. Kiribans (one still open) and Gifts (three if I'm correct) are not affected but will be pushed further away.
only commission not affected is Gaby's - cuz gaby is a patient sweetheart who will wait for my shit till the world freezes over.
I'll probably be silent on here for a bit (I already am I know derp) - not that I won't be here, I usually check often, but I don't think I'll return to regular uploads soon.
I'm not depressed, I'm just so largely disappointed and frustrated and feel a tad, well, wrong? I'm between all those issues, listen here, talk there, trying to adapt, trying to help, while I'm kinda the one with the least trouble in life, in comparison. My plans very likely won't work out but my relationship is in order, my job and money situation, my college situation. But the rest of my family seems kinda aflame. It's especially nerve wrecking when you're going to finish your bachelor for social work in less than a year and know so damn well what could, should and might be done but there is this massive wall in my head that draws the line between clients and family and you're like .... yeah. Being emotionally involved just kills most of my useful social abilities and the knowledge I gathered during college so far.
I'm exhausted. I just want all my family to be happy.
okay, I didn't mean to vent lawl I usually don't, so I apologize for pushing this into your inboxes but I felt it's important to let you know why I cancel all those slots and works.
stay awesome, people
*throws cookies* and try to focus on the good in life, I'll try as well